The sun seeped into the blue tinged sky, warming the day to a brisk 40 degrees. Alan stretched his sleepy wings and was preparing to breakfast on his freshly caught young koi when The Newest Park Ranger spotted them. Visions of grandeur sprouted in his slow morning mind and he darted forward. Alan paused to observe this. His breakfast wriggled. As The Newest Park Ranger drew near Alan grabbed his fish unsteadily in his beak and took lopsided flight; The Newest Park Ranger gave chase. They puffed across the park together.
After a few laps Alan, never much of a go getter and a bit of a millenial, grew bored at the athletic turn his morning was taking. Fishing was too strenuous. He opened his beak at the precise moment that The Newest Park Ranger’s ropy muscles gave up.
The NPR rushed gagging to the koi pond and spat the koi back into her home juice, where she swam vigorously away. Later she spawned hundreds of babies and told this story at every party to which she was invited, which was not many.
The Newest Park Ranger was given a special award for his hard work on his first day (a gift certificate to the Spaghetti Factory, where he met his future wife who later bore him two grub like children), and won Employee of the Month three times in his eleven year tenure. They existed quietly for several years until he ran away with a yoga instructor named Bob.
Alan relinquished his pescatarian status and became insectetarion, finding sustenance in the form of nameless midges and mosquitos. He moved his business to a less stressful park where he enjoyed a long, happy and peaceful life.
